An American Values Scoop...
In a Fourth of July holiday surprise, Sen. John Kerry announced his choice for running mate during a "Millionaires For Kerry" sushi picnic & used silver spoon drive.
"After careful consideration of the potential candidates for the exalted office of Vice-President", he said, "I know I have found the most qualified running mate. I am pleased to announce that Mini-Kerry is my choice."
Kerry Introducing Mini-Kerry
"Although other candidates were equally capable", he continued, "I found Mini to be a man of my own heart. Not only is he what I consider to be a soul mate, but he also works cheap."
Kerry went on, "While I served in Vietnam plastering band-aids all over myself, Mini was out in the jungles fighting a guerilla war. He is the real hero, my friends."
Our on-the-scene reporter, Natasha, reports that there was stunned silence among those attending, causing some to even spit out their caviar.
However, pundits see this as a clever move on Kerry's part, as he will almost certainly win the endorsement of such groups as the animal nut organization PETA, Clones R Us, Very Small People For Peace, "There Are No Tarantulas in Bananas" Growers Association, Admirers of Michael Moore's Fat & Unsolved Mysteries Fan Club.
Mini-Kerry could not be reached for comment.
....from sea to shining sea