An earlier post spoke about a Texas school district which banned red & green colors. The district has responded to our post:
Dear American Values Human:
We of the Plano-Stupido School District take our obligations seriously in promoting diversity & mutli-cultural awareness to our children. It is only when children do not appreciate any particular culture that they will appreciate all cultures. Thus, we have amended our district policy on diversity to include the following:
1. Colors: Rather than banning red & green only, as we had, henceforth all colors will be banned. Parents are advised to dress their children in clear, transparent clothing so as not to offend minority colors such as mauve or periwinkle. Crayons are banned, except for use by administrators while doing their resumes. Instead, small paint brushes & colorless water, only, will be used by students in art classes.
2. Snow"men": Because of the implied sexist depiction of such constructions, the term "snowpeople" will now be used district wide. A representation of all races will now be required, i.e., black snow people, brown snow people, yellow snow people. These colors are exempt from the "Colors" regulation above. Additionally, is it recommended that teachers help their students understand that some snow people are gay & metrosexual, by reading from the district approved books, "Mommy's Lesbian Snow Mate" & "Frosty the Fag: Proud Member of Queer Nation."
3. Student exclamations while in pain: Should a child be injured in a sport activity or through accident, these children will no longer be allowed to cry out, "Oh, God, it hurts" or "Sweet Jesus, I can't take the pain". This is a violation of the strict "separation of church & state" policy. Instead, the following exclamations are required: "Oh sh**t", "Mother f***er", or "Kind Earth Mother of the Natural Realm please heal me with your wisdom." Students violating these requirements will be suspended for 5 years.
4. Non-Human Neighbors: Out of concern for & in deference to our non-human friends & neighbors, students will no longer be allowed to play outside. Stepping on grass & dirt is strictly forbidden. For too long the microbes of dirt have been callously abused by the uncaring attitudes of micro-phobic children selfishly playing their games. It is time to stop the hate & the killing. From tall to small we are all equal on this planet.
5. Breathing: Since breathing consumes oxygen & releases harmful carbon dioxide into the air, which in turn only accelerates the Green House effect & Global Warming which Professor Al Gore predicted, students will now be required to take turns breathing. Students will not be required to breath alphabetically, otherwise this would imply that the letter A is better than the letter Z. Since all letters have equal value in our multi-alphabet world, breathing will instead be determined by lottery.
6. All Administrators are reminded that upon completion of each school day they are required to report back to the Institute for the Insane before lights out or Bingo privileges will be suspended.
....from sea to shining sea