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Thursday, May 26, 2005

Pentagon Admits To Defiling Holy Korean

Pentagon officials today finally admitted that guards at Guantanamo Bay purposefully & repeatedly defiled & desecrated Holy Koreans. In a stunning admission, the officials said that at least 50 Holy Koreans were violated by spitting on them, throwing them on the floor, putting them near dirt & in one instance, trying to flush a Holy Korean down a toilet.

In a news release titled "Guards Just Wanna Have Fun", the Pentagon lauded the guards for their sense of humor & creativity in their attempts to break up the boredom of the job. "We have specific rules on how to handle Holy Koreans in a respectful way, but hell, who reads that crap anyway? In fact, the guards flushed the rules down a toilet too", said a spokesman.

In the case of the Holy Korean flushing, the spokesman reported that, " one guard saw this small Holy Korean lying on a bed. Having juiced out the flavor of his chewing gum, the guard looked for a little more excitement. He went into the cell, grabbed & spit on the Holy Korean with the wad of gum & then went over to the toilet, where he proceeded to dump the Holy Korean into it. The guard made repeated attempts with a plunger until the Holy Korean finally went down. Receiving a scratched arm in the effort, the guard was later awarded a Purple Heart."

The spokesman quoted the guard as saying, "Who woulda thought that a small Holy Korean could give me such trouble. Hell, I've flushed loads bigger then that with no problem. But the little Asian guy just didn't want to go down."

The Pentagon spokesman hinted that the Defense Department might consider using toilet-flush training for all its guards in preparation for the arrival of any French inmates. Or Democrats, we might add.

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